What It’s Really Like to Move Across the Country (We’ve Done It 3 Times…)

Are you considering a move across the country? Wondering what it’s really like?

Then I’m so glad you’re here.

We’ll hop into some of the questions you may have in just a sec – like how much moving across the country costs, how do you make friends in a new city, and a whole lot more.

But first, if we haven’t met yet, hi. Let me tell you how I became an accidental moving expert.

I’ve moved across the country 3 times. Here’s how it went.

Over the past 5 years, I’ve moved A LOT. After living in the same small town for my entire life, then spending 7 years in the Minneapolis/St. Paul metro area for college and my first job, I suddenly found myself trekking all over the country.

In 2018, I moved from St. Paul, MN to Chicago to be closer to my then-fiance. Then in 2019, the fiancé-turned-husband got a job in Washington, DC, so we left Chicago for the DC suburbs. In 2021, my husband got into a PhD program back in Chicago, so we packed up again and headed back to our old neighborhood.

I don’t exactly recommend three moves in four years to anyone. But we’ve survived all of them. (And we’re now going to be in the same place for a while. PRAISE THE LORD.)

With all of that experience, I can tell you from real-life experience what you really should know about moving across the country. Here are answers to questions you may be asking.

How much does moving across the country cost?

There’s not one answer to this. If you’re ditching most of your possessions and can move in your car, it will obviously cost a lot less than if you need to rent a truck. However, count on this absolute truth:

It’s going to cost more than you think.

There is just not a cheap way to move across the country.

Even if you’re an extreme minimalist and can pack everything in your car, you’re going to need a fully furnished rental (which may be extra $$) or enough patience to sit on the floor – or at the very least tolerate subpar furniture – for a while.

Here’s a breakdown of some of the costs you’ll want to consider:

Travel

First, you’ll likely have to pay for a few rounds of travel to and from the place you’re moving to. There might be job interviews or apartment tours, and you’ll need lodging and transportation for those trips.

Rent (sometimes for two places)

Unless you have exceptional timing, you may have to pay double rent for a month in order to transition from one place to another.

Moving expenses

You’ll need transportation for you and transportation for your stuff. If you’ve got more than a car’s worth of boxes, you’ll also want to consider if you’ll bribe friends to help you unload with pizza or if you want to hire movers to help you. Plus, you’ll likely need moving supplies like boxes and tape (unless you scout them out on a neighborhood site like Buy Nothing) AND gas for the moving truck.

ALLLLLL the Fees

There are application fees. Move-in fees. Insurance on the rental truck. Taxes on everything. Tolls. Tips if you hired movers. All the stuff that you definitely didn’t think about that will chip away your savings and sanity.

And then on top of all of that, you also may have to miss a paycheck or two, especially if you don’t have a job lined up when you move.

(Also, if all of these logistics are making you hyperventilate, you might want to check out my Apartment Handbook – it’s got budget worksheets and planning timelines to help you nail down all these details.)

Moving almost made us broke.

When Adam and I moved to DC, he had a job lined up, but I did not. I got my last paycheck from my teaching job in the first week of July. I was without a job for nearly two months while we transitioned. I didn’t get another paycheck until September, and that was only for a part-time gig. It wasn’t until October that I transitioned to a full-time job with the accompanying paycheck.

We had not planned our finances especially well for this, and we had approximately $200 to our names after paying the final month’s rent on our Chicago apartment; the first month’s rent, application fee, security deposit, and move-in fees to our DC apartment; and our moving expenses. I may or may not have cried when we had to get our car inspected as part of Maryland regulations and the first place we went quoted us for $1500 in repairs. We truly did not have $1500 to spend. (Thankfully we found another place that quoted us for a quarter of the cost of repairs – White Flint Auto, I love you forever.)

All of that to say, please please please make sure you have room in your budget for the move. Estimate your costs, then add like 50% more to whatever you’ve calculated. I’m not kidding.

Should I move across the country for a job?

If you can pull off the move and you’re excited about the job opportunity, go for it! If you have a job lined up, that can help eliminate many of the anxieties of moving so you can enjoy the adventure of living in a new place. (Sure, it’s a sometimes-frustrating, often-expensive adventure, but it also can be thrilling to try something totally new!)

Should I move across the country without a job lined up?

I think the answer depends a lot on your situation and the type of job you’re looking for.

The first thing to consider is whether you’re already working in a job or if you’re fresh out of college and looking for your first position.

If you’ve already got a job and you’re not moving for a partner’s job change, most advice I’ve read says it’s easier to find a job when you have a job already. I’m relatively risk-averse, so I likely wouldn’t leave a job without having another lined up unless the environment was incredibly toxic or affecting my mental health.

However, if you’re brand-new to the workforce and you’re hoping to work in an industry that’s location-specific (acting in LA, publishing in New York), then yeah, you might need to take a risk on this. I’ve also found that hiring managers are possibly more likely to consider your application if you have a local address. Geographic proximity will also allow you to take on internships and network to make a big career change possible.

If you’re in a field like accounting or education, where jobs are available everywhere, I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad idea. You definitely will want to jump on obtaining any state-specific certifications like teaching licenses, though. These can take a while to transfer, and you probably won’t be strongly considered for positions – let alone able to start a job – without these.

However. No matter your exact situation, if you’re going to move across the country without a job lined up, you gotta have your finances in place and a backup plan. If you can’t get your dream job, do you have the financial ability to take on unpaid internships? Are you down to work as a barista while applying around? Think through the worst case scenario and make sure you won’t take on tons of credit card debt or not be able to make rent.

Should I rent or buy when I move across the country?

I’m not a realtor, but if you’re brand-new to a place, I would be hesitant to buy right away. Especially in today’s wacky housing market.

When we moved back to Chicago in 2021, we did buy a condo right away. But the only reason we were comfortable with this decision was that we’d lived in the neighborhood before. We knew that the rental market in the neighborhood was not great. We knew the pros and cons of living on different streets. We didn’t have any blind optimism about our ability to live without a parking spot.

And even still, it was a stressful experience. (Granted, is buying property ever not stressful?) We made a 3-day trip to Chicago to cram in tours of as many units as were available, and we knew we either had to put in an offer on one of those places OR pay for another flight and hotel stay on a possibly worse option. All of our hesitations would have been even more compounded had we been unfamiliar with the area.

If it’s possible for you, one of the most brilliant moving housing strategies I’ve heard comes from Bri McKoy, whose husband is in the military. When they move, they try out AirBnbs in the neighborhoods where they think they might want to live before committing to a rental contract.

Obviously that takes a special set of circumstances – because they’re a military family, they have a moving stipend, and they don’t have to figure out where to store all their stuff while at said AirBnb. But if you can pull it off, it’s a great idea.

How long does it take to feel at home after a move?

I’m going to be honest, for a while, everything will feel so stupidly complicated. To illustrate, a story:

When we moved back to Chicago, we went downtown to renew our driver’s licenses. As we circled labyrinthian one-ways, searching for the entrance to the parking spot I’d booked, I nearly dissolved into tears. It felt like one more complicated thing on top of weeks of complicated things. Cue me to Adam, whining, “Why can’t this be easy? I need just one thing to be easy right now, and nothing is.”

And that’s the story of moving. Especially far away.

Where do you get groceries? If your car breaks down, where do you bring it? Where is the best place to find street parking? If you get sick, where do you go? How do you furnish your new space, especially if you don’t have a large vehicle?

All of this stuff takes an annoying amount of brain space when you move. It’s doable, sure, especially if you can solve one problem at a time. But over those first few weeks and months, the added burdens, well, add up. And then you find yourself nearly crying while you navigate Chicago one-ways.

You will get that brain space back eventually. But it’s going to take a while. It’s probably different for everyone, but I would give it six months at the very least least.

After our most recent move, it took a year to have all of our rooms fully furnished and functional. A year and four months for me to find a dentist that accepts my insurance and show up. A year and six months to get a doctor’s appointment. I still haven’t found a mechanic I love.

(And then finding a community of friends can take even longer. Speaking of which…)

How do you make friends in a new city?

What an excellent question. There are a lot of theoretical answers to this one – try Googling it and you’ll find a plethora of online articles – but the reality is that no matter what you’re doing, it’s hard and it takes a long time.

There’s a study that’s both reassuring and totally depressing on this front. The research speculates that it takes 40-60 hours of time spent together to form a casual friendship, 80-100 hours to become *friend* friends, and more than 200 hours to become besties.

This is why making friends in high school and college is easier – you’re in forced proximity with the same people, so tallying up those hours is a lot more straightforward.

When it comes to making friends as an adult, though, adding up that many coffee dates or walks or dinner invites takes wayyyyyy more investment and energy.

So if you feel lonely right away when you move, you are 100% normal. I’d honestly go into a move anticipating that you will feel lonely, especially if you are moving without a partner. It doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong.

What do you do about that, other than giving in to a lifetime of Netflix?

Start putting in the hours.

If you’re religious, join a religious community, especially if there are small groups or book studies that encourage conversation. Try BumbleBFF. Join a neighborhood softball league. Take your work colleagues up on their happy hour invite. Try out a MeetUp group. Strike up a conversation before your workout class.

It might feel futile at first. And it’s going to take a while. But if you’re keeping an eye out for potential friends and then intentionally creating regular opportunities to spend time together, it’s going eventually to pay off.

Lest you think that I’m an expert on this (hahahaha that’s a lovely dream), just know that it took me nearly a year to make an in-person friend who wasn’t connected to my husband’s PhD program.

Should I move across the country for my boyfriend or girlfriend?

I mean, I did…

But my boyfriend (now husband) and I had been seriously dating for 3 years at that point. When I started making moving plans, I knew we’d be getting engaged relatively soon, and Adam proposed a week before I actually moved. We were both committed to the relationship and on board with the move.

(That’s us, circa 2018!)

If you’re struggling with your own decision, ask friends and family who actually know you and have observed your relationship. And make sure you and your partner are on the same page. If both of you aren’t excited about the move and aligned on where your relationship is going, this may be a risk that’s not worth it. But I’m just a stranger on the Internet – default to advice from real-life people on this one.

Is moving across the country worth it?

This depends, of course. But in my own experience, it was.

Prior to 2018, I’d lived in Minnesota my whole life, and I wasn’t necessarily itching to leave. So I was shocked by how much I enjoyed living in both Chicago and the DC area. Both cities offered new scenery to explore, new restaurants to try, even new items at the grocery store. We found lakefront parks along Lake Michigan, neighborhoods bursting with cherry blossoms in the DC spring, and hiking trails along the Potomac – and we still feel like we have lots of adventuring to do.

And in the end, if you gave it a good shot and your new location isn’t working for you? Moving back is always an option.

Any additional advice for moving across the country? Share your wisdom in the comments!

P.S. The Ultimate Apartment Handbook is chock-full of even more advice about moving! It’s your friendly guide through the maze of apartment applications, the logistics of how to get your stuff from one place to another, the mess of money questions, and way more. Check it out here!