I’m sprawled on the couch, scrolling Facebook in the late evening hours. I swipe past an acquaintance’s baby. An ad for leggings. A question from a Facebook group. And then the blatant use of ALL CAPS catches my eye.
I skim over a rant about a politician that spews questionable research and fuzzy logic. A faint pounding in my temples, and I huff. I scroll down, then back up again. As I reread, arguments formulate in my mind, but I hush them before they reach my fingers on the keyboard. No need to get mad, I tell myself. It’s just Facebook. I scroll down again, to photos of that couple in the apple orchard, but a quiet rage lurks just under the surface, ready to bubble up with the next political meme, the next click-bait headline.
In my discomfort with conflict, I ignore that undercurrent of anger. On social media, I scoot on by. In conversations, I deflect. My opinion sits on the sidelines, a benchwarmer who rarely plays. If voices rise, I listen silently, placidly smiling and ignoring the tightness growing in my chest.
See, I didn’t grow up with nightly political discussions. I was raised in a family that is the epitome of small-town Midwestern politeness. We smiled and nodded and saved our opinions, if they were particularly strong, for a few sentences on the car ride home.
And then I got married. To an award-winning debater who works at a think tank and reads the headlines multiple times a day and has opinions he likes to hash out in conversation. When we were dating, we very nearly split up over my antipathy to discussing controversial subjects and inability to separate disagreements from personal attacks.
So let me just say, dear reader, that I thought I would be the last person in the world to say any words about ways to engage in politics.
But these here are “unprecedented times.” There has been a hurricane of politically fraught issues raging in 2020. A pandemic. A recession. Racial tensions. Natural disasters. A contentious election.
And there seem to be two ways people engage with these events and the political implications dragged in their wake. There are those who vehemently proclaim their opinions to anyone who will listen. They share every meme and comment on every post. Their yards boast signs blazing in capital letters.
And there are those of us who eat comfort cookies while we scroll the Internet because the conflict and lack of common sense makes us want to pull a blanket over our heads. If you’re wondering where on earth all the normal people have gone, if you’re already dreading holiday conversations with relatives, if you’re awaiting November 3 with a cocktail of trepidation and relief? I’m right there with you.
And I’m here to ask you to gently engage in politics with me.
Our country desperately needs more people who carefully consider all sides of an issue and then quietly live out their convictions.
Your voice, that soft whisper under all of the yelling, is more valuable than you know. Your insight, your understanding of nuance and willingness to consider multiple perspectives, is a rare treasure. Your quiet care makes your circle of the world better.
Plus, the election is going to be decided by people like you. You’re probably a swing voter. It makes you a hot commodity. You, yes you, have the power to shift the trajectory of our nation.
As the election approaches, will you join me in resisting the urge to bury our heads in the sand? Here are 8 gentle ways to engage in politics. I promise, these easy steps will increase your awareness, without unwarranted conflict.
8 Gentle Ways to Engage in Politics
1. Get off social media
There is nothing that makes me more cranky about the state of the country and its citizens than scrolling Facebook during an election year. Due to some mystery of the universe (or perhaps the power of the almighty algorithm?), the most extremely conservative and liberal folks are also shrieking the loudest on social media.
The worst part? Social media is not exactly a hotbed of nuanced conversation. Electrifying sound bites, sure. Attention-getting memes, absolutely. Vitriolic comments, of course. But thought-out conversations, with research and insight and subtlety? That’s exceptionally rare.
So if you’re wondering where all the common sense gone and losing hope for the state of our nation, log off the socials for a while. Or at least unfollow the people who are making your blood pressure rise. That works, too. Disengaging from some political chatter may seem like a strange way to engage in politics, but I promise, it will give you more energy for conversation that’s actually meaningful.
Action step: Mute or unfollow that one person who posts political rants all. the. time. (You know the one.)
2. Assume good intent of your fellow humans.
This may be very, very difficult to believe in an election year. Especially this particular election.
But I truly believe that the majority of people want good for our country.
Really. Can you think of anyone who doesn’t agree with the following basic statements?
- Jobs should be available for those who want to work.
- No one should live in fear for his or her loved ones’ safety.
- If a person is sick, he or she should have access to quality medical care.
These are some of the basic tenants of civilized life, right?
And while we sometimes scoff at the idea, both conservatives and liberals are pursuing those things. It’s just in different ways.
The party with whom you disagree isn’t wholly stupid and evil. They don’t want the entire country to go to hell in a handbasket. The opposite political party is composed of people, with spouses and children and parents. They, too, cheer at their kids’ baseball games and enjoy takeout French fries and lose sleep over their elderly parents’ health. Their chief crime? Disagreeing with you on how to go about making the country a better place.
When I remember to see things through this light, it makes the opposing side in any debate seem a little less hostile.
Action step: Think of one person who lands on the opposite side of the political aisle. It could be a sitting senator, a current candidate, or someone you know in real life. Consider how that person might be trying to bring more good into the world through his or her political beliefs.
3. Inform yourself on the issues.
No matter whether you believe yourself to be entirely apolitical or you have election banners flying in your front yard, you have political assumptions. We all do. It’s okay.
But sometimes, our parents, or our culture, or the place where we were raised color our opinions before we truly understand both sides of an issue.
This is natural. It’s human. But I don’t think it’s the only – or best – way.
I vehemently believe that we should not hold strong opinions about a topic unless we truly understand the other side’s argument.
Committed to the pro-life cause? You need to understand why that makes pro-choice women uncomfortable. Mystified why anyone would want to repeal Obamacare? Perhaps do some research about the effects on insurance prices.
After all, what do we have to lose? If we truly investigate the issues with an open heart and mind, we might come out more convinced than ever that we were right all along. Sweet! At least we now have research to support our opinions.
Or we might come away with some grace towards a different perspective – or even an entirely new opinion altogether.
And that feel risky, right? It means that you might disagree with your mom, or you might be compelled to vote a different way, or you might feel like a black sheep among your church friends. Maybe you’ll feel too uninformed to defend your new position. You might wonder if you’re another casualty of biased media.
But I’d hazard a guess that it’s better to make wise, informed decisions with integrity, rather than linger in the shadows because we’re too afraid to look beyond what we already know. It’s the only way forward, how all progress is made. It is an essential part of growth.
Simple Ways to Learn about Politics
Learning something about politics doesn’t have to require a team of aides, heaps of stress, or hours of time. You can grasp a basic overview of an issue in 10 minutes with the help of good ol’ Google.
Want to dive in a little deeper? Consider a podcast. It will take a little more time to digest, but you might learn more, especially if it’s hosted by an expert. I’m currently listening to The Argument, a political conversation between New York Times editors with different viewpoints. Even though the hosts have different opinions, the conversation is respectful and does not make my blood boil – a rare treat in political discussions.
If you’re intrigued enough by an issue that you’re ready to invest some hours toward it, I guarantee someone has written a book on the subject. Again, Google is your friend.
Action step: Choose one issue. Just one. Then read one article or download one podcast about it. Commit to listen before the election.
6. Lower your expectations. Then actually vote.
You don’t get to complain about the state of our country if you don’t vote. Contrary to popular whining, you do have a say. Yeah, maybe it seems small. But if everyone believed her vote didn’t matter, democracy would not actually work.
If looking at your ballot seems overwhelming (are you supposed to know the names of all those judges?), there are a number of websites that can help you make informed decisions:
Vote411
- Best for: a one-stop shop for all logistics and candidate information
- This is what I’ll use to help me decide how to vote! This site has everything you need to get ready to vote, including a first-time voter checklist. They also have helpful candidate comparisons with side-by-side information on where each candidate stands regarding things like health care and gun rights.
I Will Vote
- Best for: a straightforward way to figure out the logistics of voting
- Not sure if you’re registered to vote? Want to get a mail-in ballot? Need to find a polling place? Head to I Will Vote. Its interface is incredibly simple.
Vote Save America
- Best for: in-depth information on the candidates.
- Read all about candidates’ backgrounds and stances to inform your choices. As you select your preferred candidates, Vote Save America will compile your ballot. You can print or email it to yourself to reference if you head to the polls in person.
As you mull over the candidates, your life will be much easier if you remember that there is no perfect candidate. One phrase that’s stuck with me as I think about voting this year is that your vote is a chess move, not a valentine. (Thank you to Erin Moon for that one.)
You do not have to love every single thing about the person you vote for or enthusiastically endorse all of their policies. You do need to consider the general direction in which you believe the candidate will lead the country and choose accordingly.
Action step: Make a voting plan.
- Decide how you will vote. Have you requested a mail-in ballot? Do you know where your nearest polling place is?
- Bookmark one website to help you wisely consider candidates on your ballot.
Bonus: Ways to Engage in Politics After the Election
7. Equip yourself to have kind, civil conversations.
You are not required to convince everyone of your political righteousness. Frankly, it’s often better if you don’t. Dinner guests who badger people with unsolicited political disruptions don’t often get invited back.
But political conversations are going to happen this year. And if you want to move past staring silently at the ceiling while your relatives hash it out, a little advanced preparation might help.
If you did some research in Step 3, your new informed perspective might help you find an easy entry into a conversation, especially if you’re knowledgeable about both sides of the argument.
You might also want to listen to some good models of political discussion. In addition to The Argument, which I mentioned above, Pantsuit Politics is a recommendation I hear over and over again. The hosts have different political views: one is a Democrat, and the other used to consider herself a Republican but has shifted her position since the 2016 election. I continue to find their grace-filled conversations and interviews about current events and political news enlightening. They even wrote a book called I Think You’re Wrong (But I’m Listening), about how to have better discussions about politics. (Find it at Bookshop or Amazon.) If you’re dreading political conversations during holiday dinners this year, their podcast or book might be good preparation.
And if bloodshed is imminent? You have the power to set some boundaries. Yes, even if your family members are older than you. “No political discussions during dinner” is an entirely appropriate request.
Want even more? Check out this post about how to have hard conversations.
Action step: Decide how you will react when political conversations come up after the election. Practice setting boundaries or engaging with grace aloud.
8. Invest in your local government.
If you’re feeling especially powerless on the national stage, try getting involved in your local area. Volunteer once a month at a food bank. Pay attention to your city council. Attend a town hall meeting. Contact your local representative. You are most likely to see tangible change if you get involved on a smaller level, so consider it if your political antsiness has reached its peak.
Action step: research one way to engage in your city or county government.
Okay friends. We’ve got this. Let’s be brave and quietly add some nuance to this moment in history.