Should I go to therapy? Does therapy help? How do I find a therapist? Answering ALLLL your therapy questions from my own experience!

I’ve been going to therapy for just over a year now.

It has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself and my mental health.

It also felt really difficult to get started.

While I was lucky to grow up in a very pro-therapy family, and my mom and sister have talked openly about their experiences, making the call that I needed to go myself and working through all the logistics of getting started was surprisingly tricky.

If you’ve ever had questions about therapy—especially if you don’t have people in your life who talk about their therapy experience—this post is for you. I’m not a therapist myself or an expert, but I can speak from my own experience about what therapy is like and hope to answer your questions along the way.

Let’s dive right in!

Why did you start going to therapy?

I’d considered going to therapy for a while. As I mentioned, it’s been very normalized in my family, and I knew it would probably be helpful for me at some point in my life.

Last winter, I reached the point where I felt stuck and didn’t have any more ideas for how to get un-stuck. I felt like I wasn’t handling stress as well as I could be, and I had questions I wasn’t sure who to ask. Finally, after a few too many times dissolving into tears over things that didn’t seem like they merited such a strong reaction, I started researching my options.

To be honest, I felt a little silly reaching out to therapists, as I wasn’t having a huge mental health breakdown or anything. In my first therapy session, I mentioned these hesitations. All of my problems felt small compared to, I don’t know, most of what the rest of the world is facing. But my therapist did not roll her eyes at me or tell me to come back when I had a real issue to discuss. She listened and validated that my concerns felt big to me and were impacting my life, and that was absolutely a solid reason to seek help.

Since then, I’ve heard multiple times that you don’t have to be in a crisis to go to therapy; therapy can help you prevent that crisis. 100% cosign that.

What do you talk about in a therapy session?

What we talk about depends on the week.

Your first few sessions are likely going to be more introductory sessions, where you talk about your history, why you signed up for therapy, your goals, that sort of thing.

After that, the conversation is more flexible. I can only speak to my sessions with my particular therapist, but here’s what those look like.

My therapist always opens by asking how I’m feeling. Before our session, I will check in with myself on this, as she will not let me say “good” or “okay.” (I have tried. Who knew that “good” and “okay” are not emotions?) Our conversations almost always develop organically from there. Occasionally, my therapist might also ask what would serve me best in that session. While it sometimes takes me a second to think about this, I haven’t yet run out of things to talk about on those days.

For example, when we first started, I had been feeling exhausted for multiple weeks in a row. I was having trouble sleeping, and those effects felt like they were trickling down through my whole life. So we did some problem-solving on my sleep routine. I felt silly that I needed so much help putting myself to bed, but my therapist had a lot of great ideas. I tried a number of them, and I still implement the ones that felt like they fit nearly every night.

Since those first sessions, our conversations have started with a whole variety of topics. We often begin discussing a situation I’m dealing with. I will basically ask, “Why is _____ so stupidly hard?” And then we’ll start to untangle the answer. In these conversations, we’ve talked through relationship dynamics. We’ve discovered beliefs I didn’t realize I had about myself. We’ve assessed why I have big emotional responses to particular situations.

Does therapy help?

Speaking from my own experience and the experiences of most family and friends I’ve asked, yes. YES.

I have found it incredibly valuable to have a wise, unbiased person to help me work through a situation. This person has my best interests at heart, but she won’t just tell me I’m right all the time. (Dang.) When we discuss situations, she helps me unpack my feelings and actions, question them when necessary, and then shift them in a more positive direction. Over time, this has helped change my limiting mindsets, relieve some of my anxiety, and release some of my wonky expectations for myself. It’s not a magical pill that immediately fixes everything, but it does make hard things easier.

If you’ve tried therapy and didn’t feel like it was helpful, my gentle suggestion would be to try a different therapist and see if that changes your experience.

How long does therapy take to work?

Again, not an expert, but I assume this is going to vary wildly. For myself, I felt like I spent the first month or so becoming more aware of problems and how I was struggling. After that I started to feel very incrementally better, but it was probably 5 or so months until I really noticed a shift? Don’t hold me to this; it’s very hard to pin down.

How do you find a therapist?

I searched my zip code through Psychology Today’s website. On the site, you can read each therapist’s personal statement and see their areas of expertise. I reached out to three people, and the therapist I see now was the first to respond.

You may also need to try out different therapists to find a good fit. Many therapists offer a free consultation – if they don’t mention it up front, you can definitely inquire about it. That might give you a sense of their vibe and how they like to work with their clients.

If you need something more concrete to go by other than “vibes,” I’ve been told by friends that good therapists will make you feel like you’re a little challenged by what they’re asking and will give you “homework” to reflect or act on through the week. Those things might take more than a 15-minute consultation to show up, but they may be helpful to keep in mind through your initial sessions.

Is therapy expensive?

This is going to vary depending on your insurance coverage. My insurance completely covers my therapy appointments. (I know this is not the case for everyone and that I’m extremely privileged here – but I also want you to know this is possible!) My husband has different insurance and has a $10 copay for each of his own sessions.

Even if you do have to pay some money out of pocket, I would highly recommend going if you can afford it. It’s also worth inquiring if your therapist has a sliding scale for fees or any other ways to help cover costs if money is tight.