This holiday season is so whacked.
There are the normal holiday concerns. What should I get my sister-in-law? How can I make my apartment festive without spending a million dollars? Why are the stores playing Jingle Bell Rock already? The hubbub begins as soon as Starbucks starts their holiday ads and doesn’t stop until Christmas morning.
Plus, on top of that, the coronavirus has added all new layers of confusion and stress. Should we travel? How many people can we see? How do we keep Great Aunt Sally from getting sick but not make her feel more alone?
If all these unknowns are freaking you out, this post is for you.
Just imagine. With a few simple steps, you can go from feeling like a stressed-out Grinch to feeling calm and prepared. Instead of seeming cold and lonely and tense, the next two months are cozy and festive. You keep the traditions that matter to you. When the season ends, you know you’ve spent it in a way that matters.
And yes, this is totally possible.
Want to join me in a little extra planning to reduce holiday stress? Check out the post below! Plus, I’ve got a printable to put these steps in action. Want to skip ahead and get planning? Download the printable here!
Your Plan to Reduce Holiday Stress This Season
Decide what matters
This year – and honestly every year – there is a lot that we can’t control. We can’t control how careful relatives are about social distancing or whether the office party happens or what Uncle Joe believes about the election results.
But we still have agency. Even if our favorite tree lighting ceremony is cancelled, we still get to decide what we do with what we are given. We get to choose what matters to us. We can choose the vibe we want to carry through this season.
This is true for all the holiday things.
Gift giving? Maybe you’ll prioritize supporting small businesses, or saving money, or shipping speed above all else.
Gatherings? Maybe you’ll focus on safety, or warm hospitality, or communicating love.
Decorating? Maybe you’ll choose simply but cozy, or budget-friendly hacks, or the most of the most decorations because why not?
Above all, you get to choose what matters. Do this first, before making any other decisions. (This alone might reduce your holiday stress!)
Choose your yeses and noes accordingly
Once we’ve decided what matters to us, we then get to make decisions that match up with those priorities.
Normally, I’d say a bunch of words about how we don’t have to attend every holiday gathering and do every Christmas bucket list activity. Yeah, maybe not a problem in coronavirus-land.
But we still should consider what we will say yes and no to, especially given the new challenges of a COVID Christmas.
Our yeses
- Things that fit our priorities for the season.
- Occasions that sound like fun
- Traditions and events we know will be worth it, even if they are a little bit of work.
Our noes
- Things that don’t align with what matters to us
- Events outside our comfort zone health-wise
- Traditions or activities that you complete out of duty, not joy
Set boundaries around your noes
Once we’ve decided on our noes, we have to decide how we’re going to uphold them. This means it’s time for the most overused word in self-help – boundaries!
Boundaries mean that we’re stating what is acceptable or unacceptable to us in a relationship and what will happen if the other people in that relationship can’t abide by those standards. And they’re real helpful if our noes might ruffle some feathers.
Maybe you’re dreading Thanksgiving gatherings where your aunts won’t be physical distancing at all. Perhaps you really wish your family didn’t expect expensive gifts for every single member. Possibly you cannot handle any election conversations.
You can bring those things up ahead of time and attempt to reach a compromise. Even if you’re young, you are allowed to initiate this. (Yes, really!)
Granted, I’m not an expert on this. I lucked out with a really lovely family, so I can’t speak to toxic relationships. If you’ve got serious family drama, you might want to look up actual professional advice or seek counseling. The research I’ve done suggests this:
Tips for Setting Boundaries to Reduce Holiday Stress
- Clearly state your needs ahead of time. Maybe this week, you can say, “Mom, I am not comfortable attending Christmas Eve with every single one of our relatives right now. Do we have alternative plans if the case numbers remain high?” The uncertain nature of coronavirus case spread might make decision-making tricky at this exact moment, but initiating the conversation ahead of time won’t hurt.
- Gently remind your people right before the event. If you’ve decided that you’re not going to hug anyone, send a group text right before the event saying how excited you are to see everyone but that you’ll be offering a wave instead of a bear hug.
- See other people’s perspective and ask what they need as well. This is especially helpful if you suspect your relatives might be hurt or offended by your suggestions. Treat them like people. (Because, you know, they are.) Make it a conversation. Ask what they want from the gathering and how you can help achieve it.
- Try humor. No, not passive-aggressive sarcasm. But a little light-hearted joke might go a long way.
If you really don’t want to rock the boat or your boundaries are being tested, you could try responding with “No, but…” in a way that shows you’re trying to meet halfway. Some suggestions?
- “No, I am not comfortable coming to our family Christmas with 40 relatives, but I would love to spend Christmas Eve with just the immediate family.”
- “No, I am not comfortable traveling right now, but can we plan for a family weekend when airports will be less busy?”
Make plans you can get excited about
No matter how cautious or freewheeling you are, this holiday season is going to look different. Many of the traditions and events we love may be cancelled or changed. If you’re being especially careful about the coronavirus, the next few months might be looking downright lonely.
This is where a little planning ahead might do some good to reduce holiday stress. (But don’t worry – this is the fun kind of planning.)
Remember those holiday priorities you set? What activities would help achieve the vibe you’re hoping to create?
Choose some traditions or events you could get excited about. Then plan how you’ll actually do those things. Make a bucket list. Pencil in a fun activity on your calendar each weekend. Create your own Advent calendar with a holiday activity for each day. There’s no wrong way to do this.
Looking for some ideas? I scoured Pinterest, and these are some of my favorites.
With far-away friends and family:
- Virtually watch a Christmas movie together once a week
- Choose a favorite Christmas dessert to make together during the same week and discuss your results over text
- Plan a Secret Santa through snail mail
- Write old-fashioned, newsy Christmas cards
With folks who live nearby:
- Bundle up and have an outdoor picnic
- Go for a brisk hike or walk
- Stroll around a nice neighborhood to admire Christmas lights
- If you’re comfortable (or wear masks and can sit six feet apart), invite a friend over to share in a holiday tradition
- Open up your quarantine bubble to a Christmas buddy, who can be your go-to for sharing holiday traditions
With your people:
- Watch Christmas movies
- Bake cookies or another holiday dessert
- Test a cold-weather cocktail like mulled wine, brandy alexander, or hot toddy
- Decorate the house
- Read a collection of Christmas stories
- Make paper snowflakes
- Visit a Christmas tree farm
- Decorate a gingerbread house
- Create a photo book to look back on the year
- Go sledding
- Perfect your holiday playlist
- Try a souped-up hot chocolate recipe
- Have a picnic under the glow of your Christmas tree
- Start an annual video interview tradition
- Make a snowman
- Try a photo challenge
- Research traditions from your heritage and adopt one or two
- Dress up for holiday dinner, just because
- Try an unconventional Advent or countdown calendar
Remember, we don’t have to do all – or any! – of the traditional Christmas activities. We get to keep the ones that are meaningful to us and fit our priorities.
Consider the traditional Advent season (or at least pick a start and end date)
Choosing a start and end date for your holiday festivities can be immensely helpful to reduce holiday stress. It gives you some boundaries, allowing you to usher in the season with intention and close it meaningfully. Kendra Adachi (aka the Lazy Genius) calls these opening and closing ceremonies, a la the Olympics.
These opening and closing ceremonies don’t have to be big – maybe your opening ceremony is pulling out the box of Christmas decorations the day after Thanksgiving while playing Michael Buble. That counts!
For anyone who celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, not just a cultural one, I personally follow the traditional church calendar for built-in start and end dates to the season. To be honest, I cannot say enough good things about it.
I started attending a liturgical church a few years ago, and the liturgical calendar has been one of the dearest gifts. Recognizing the season of Advent before Christmas has reshaped how I think about the month of December.
Advent is not about quickly dive-bombing into the holiday mood. It is not the time for cramming in every single holiday activity. Instead, Advent is a season of quiet, building anticipation as Christians await the coming of Christ.
Celebrating Advent has given me permission to slow the season. A holly-jolly holiday spirit doesn’t have to be manufactured the morning of December 1st. Decorations don’t all have to go up the day after Thanksgiving. Rather, joy and festivity and celebration can build slowly as anticipation for Christmas day grows.
Then, after Christmas day, come the 12 days of Christmas. Christ has arrived! Time for Joy to the World, for feasting, for merrymaking! A welcome bonus? None of the Christmas Day blues. The celebration is still to come!
I know that in this year, some of us are already desperate for some Christmas cheer. If that’s you, have at it! Play those holiday albums! Put up those trees!
But for those us still can’t stomach the Halloween-to-Christmas time warp, Advent offers a meaningful way to acknowledge the brokenness of our world, challenges of this year, and our need for the One who can redeem it.
If you’d like to join me in recognizing Advent, it begins on Sunday, December 29 and ends on Christmas Eve. The Christmas celebration continues until January 5.
Prepare ahead of time
What do you need to do now to make your holiday plans easier?
Do you need to decide on your decorations? Put in a gift order from the small business you want to support? Set a budget? Coordinate with family? Plan what gifts you want to snag over Black Friday?
Now is a great time to take care of these things – or at least make a list so you don’t have to stress later.
Consider ways to give back
Have you seen this article on surviving pandemic winter? It claims that one of the best ways to boost happiness and well-being is to find ways to get outside your own experiences and give back to others. Plus, beyond your own happiness, it’s a good way to love your fellow humans and bring good into the world!
As I admitted to my newsletter subscribers at the beginning of this month, I’m not great at this. But I want to be better! Here are some ways you can give back this holiday season – let me know if you have more in the comments!
- Participate in Samaritan’s Purse
- Leave a gift for your mail carrier or delivery driver
- Write a thank you note or letter
- Volunteer at or donate to a food bank
- Buy a gift for a child in need with World Vision
- Donate to Preemptive Love to help create more peace on earth
- Pay for the car behind you in the drive-thru line
Next step? Start planning!
I’ve got a quick and easy guide to walk you through these questions and help you prepare for a stress-free holiday. Just enter your email here to get access!