Am I the only one a little conflicted about depictions of love in our culture?
On one hand, I get eye-roll-y about anything too sappy. I like to proclaim that Valentine’s Day is a stupid holiday that feeds commercial greed and inflates expectations. I don’t enjoy Nicholas Sparks or devour Hallmark Christmas movies. (No shade on those who do! You all are likely much less jaded and much nicer than I am.)
And on the other hand? I love Jane Austen. I have not met a Nora Ephron movie I didn’t like. And if my husband does not adequately honor Valentine’s Day, I begin to feel jilted.
This makes finding books about love a little dicey. I still enjoy love stories. But I want them to reflect real life.
I reckon I’m not the only one.
Maybe you don’t want to read too-sweet books that make you huff “It doesn’t work like that!” But you still want love stories to have just a little magic. Love in real life is a blend of wonder and disappointment and laughter and boredom and delight. Perhaps you want your books to capture that, too.
If so, here are my top recommendations.
Realistic Books about Love
1. Hannah Coulter – Wendell Berry
One of my friends once said that Hannah Coulter is one of the most realistic, complete portrayals of an adult woman that she’d ever read. I have to agree. If you’re looking for a book with a thrilling plot, this is not the book for you. The story consists of Hannah Coulter’s reflections on her life now that she’s reaching the end of it. That’s it. But if you’re looking for a book that you’ll reread and underline, one that will speak beautiful truth about life and love that you’ll want to tattoo on your arms so you won’t forget it? Then pick this one up.
2. Crossing to Safety – Wallace Stegner
This is a story about a marriage, but even more than that, it is a story about friendship. It follows Larry and Sally Morgan as Larry takes on a position as a professor. The couple meets another couple who become an anchor for them in the ordinary troubles of the world. This story delves into both the beautiful and heartbreaking parts of everyday life, and it is one of the books that gave me the most accurate picture of what ordinary marriage looks like.
3. This Must Be the Place – Maggie O’Farrell
So admittedly, the premise of this book feels a little unrealistic. A movie star fakes her own death and moves to the middle of nowhere, where she starts a new life with a new husband. But the emotions and the interactions between characters? The disillusionment that kicks in after the honeymoon phase of a marriage, when past secrets start to be revealed? They are entirely true to life.
4. Very Married: Field Notes on Love and Fidelity – Anne Pershey
If you shy away from conventional marriage books, this is the memoir for you. Anne Pershey is unflinchingly honest and realistic in this book, which outlines her thoughts on marriage though the lens of her own messy, imperfect, and ultimately committed relationship. Pershey is willing to ask hard questions about relationships without coming to definitive answers. Her candor about tough issues like divorce and infidelity is refreshing. This is one of the few books that acknowledges the difficulty of marriage without making me lose hope.
5. The Sun is Also a Star – Nicola Yoon
One of my very favorite conversations with a student was over this book. It went something like this:
7th grade male student: “I have something to tell you. I accidentally stayed up until 2 am reading this book.”
Me: “Ah, I love that book! What do you think of it?”
7th grade male student: “It’s amazing. But I’m preparing to be emotionally crushed by the ending.”
And that, my friends, is what may happen to you when you pick up this book. It is probably in my top 3 YA picks ever – it may even be the champ. This story takes place over one day in New York City. Daniel sees Natasha walking down the street and is instantly intrigued. What he doesn’t know is that her family is about to be deported and she’s on a mission to prevent that. While this is a story of love, it also explores how our small choices affect those around us in significant ways. And the ending? It’s perfect.
6. Eleanor and Park – Rainbow Rowell
I love just about everything Rainbow Rowell writes, and this book is assuredly in my ten YA picks ever. It has some of the trappings of a typical “unexpected couple brought together against all odds” storyline – but the characters are so raw and dear and heartwarming and heartbreaking that it never feels cliché. I am due for a reread of this one like, now. Bonus – Rainbow Rowell’s Attachments is my second favorite of her work.
Bonus! Two books I’m adding to my own TBR pile this month:
7. Hourglass: Time, Memory, and Marriage – Dani Shapiro
I loved Dani Shapiro’s memoir Inheritance, about her discovery and reckoning with the truth about her family. Her writing was clear and resonant, and this book about marriage and how we grow and change within it sounds just as nuanced.
8. Wives and Daughters – Elizabeth Gaskell
I have been meaning to read Elizabeth Gaskell, whom I think of as Jane Austen’s underrated contemporary, for years. Years! This book is considered to be one of her best. It follows two families and how their relationships are influenced by romance. Bonus: it’s supposed to be surprisingly comedic.
Looking for more reading recommendations? Find my favorite cozy reads (perfect for cold winter days) here!
What are your very favorite realistic portrayals of romance? Tell me everything in the comments or find me @annaleighsaxton on Instagram!
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