I’m normally pretty meh about self-help books. Many of them are too fluffy, too jargon-y, or too anecdotal to really jive for me.
But these books? These are the real deal.
These books have helped me figure out how to calm down when I’m freaking out. They’ve helped me create a workout habit that actually sticks (for now, anyway!). They’ve helped me figure out how to prioritize my time.
In short? They’re self-help books that actually work. (Whoa. What a novelty.)
So if you’re feeling completely overwhelmed by your to-do list, annoyed that you didn’t keep your resolutions again, or just sorta stuck, these books might be the ticket you need to shake things up. Of the seven books listed here, I’ve read and adored the first five. The last two are at the top of my list to read this year because I’ve heard such fantastic things!
Heads up: affiliate links ahead! I’ve included links to both Amazon and Bookshop – take your pick depending on your priorities!
7 Self-Help Books that Actually Work
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle – Amelia and Emily Nagoski
Read this if: you’re feeling perpetually stressed out
What it’s about: Gah, this book. If I could give every woman one book to read during the pandemic, this would be it. This book explains how women experience burnout differently than men and what, exactly, we can do about it. But these brilliant sisters won’t just tell you to take a bath or love yourself – they give actionable, science-backed advice that actually works. If I could upload this book to my brain, I would.
Bonus book: Emily Nagoski’s book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life is also a must-read for literally any woman.
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less – Greg McKeown
Read this if: you feel pulled in 153 different directions
What it’s about: I read Essentialism probably five years ago, and its main premise has still stuck with me – though I’m probably due for a reread! This book is kind of like minimalism for your mind and time. McKeown argues that we all are way too busy and say yes to things that don’t actually matter. Instead, we should figure out the direction we want our lives to go, and only say yes to things that will take us in that direction. This one would be especially helpful as we begin to reenter the world when the pandemic ends.
Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones – James Clear
Read this if: you’re sick of starting a habit and abandoning it a week later
What it’s about: I talk about this book often, as it truly changed the way I look at building new habits. Clear goes deeper than just giving actionable tips like finding accountability (though those are there too). He starts out by challenging us to think about the why behind our habits. If we’re serious about running three times a week or reading every day, what we actually want is to become a runner or a reader on an identity level. Once we claim that identity, we can start to change tiny elements of our behavior that cause dramatic shifts. Let me give an example: I really want to be a person who works out in the mornings. So I start my day the way a morning-worker-outer would – by putting on my workout clothes first thing. That one tiny shift makes me 97% more likely to work out in the mornings.
Interested? You might also like this post, inspired by the book.
The Lazy Genius Way: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn’t, and Get Stuff Done – Kendra Adachi
Read this if: you feel like you just can’t get a handle on your life and want a kind perspective shift
What it’s about: I really enjoy following Kendra Adachi for her real, practical life advice, and this book is a fantastic continuation of her online work. She outlines 13 “lazy genius principles” that help us figure out what matters to us and live with less frantic hustle. Her book is full of real-life examples of these principles in action. I found her magic question (“What can I do now to make later easier?”) so helpful I scrawled it on a post-it that I see every day.
Joyful: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness – Ingrid Fetell Lee
Read this if: you’re feeling bored or uninspired by your life or home
What it’s about: As you might expect from a book titled Joyful, this book is an absolute delight. The author outlines the principles behind what creates joy and explores how we can create more of it in our spaces and lives. If you’re feeling meh about your space (and after 10 months at home, who isn’t?), this is such a great resource. For my initial read, I borrowed the e-book from the library, but I’ve already purchased the hardback because I want to reference it again! Ingrid Fetell Lee’s site The Aesthetics of Joy is also one of my favorite places on the Internet.
On My To-Read List:
I haven’t read these yet, but they come highly recommended by friends and friendly strangers on the Internet.
Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World – Cal Newport
I want to read it because: the pandemic has shriveled my attention span
What it’s about: From the publisher, “Deep work is the ability to focus without distraction on a cognitively demanding task…In short, deep work is like a super power in our increasingly competitive twenty-first century economy. And yet, most people have lost the ability to go deep-spending their days instead in a frantic blur of e-mail and social media, not even realizing there’s a better way.”
Man, doesn’t the ability to focus on just one thing for an extended period of time sound SO NICE?
The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters – Priya Parker
I want to read it because: Anne Bogel said it forever changed the way she meets with her team
What it’s about: From the publisher, “In The Art of Gathering, Priya Parker argues that the gatherings in our lives are lackluster and unproductive–which they don’t have to be. We rely too much on routine and the conventions of gatherings when we should focus on distinctiveness and the people involved…Parker sets forth a human-centered approach to gathering that will help everyone create meaningful, memorable experiences, large and small, for work and for play.”
Maybe it’s just overcompensating for being an introvert who’s done a lot of group leading while also feeling slightly socially awkward, but this sounds fascinating to me. Tell me your secrets, Priya Parker!